I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The best revenge is premature balding
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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