Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
