Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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