he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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