Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
