well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
