that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
