this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
