D3 body, D1 cock
Your face is a jimmy john
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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