ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
