just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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