Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
