does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize