We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my shit smells like andre
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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