HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
