you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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