Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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