From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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