Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
