it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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