We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
