I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
