atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
