people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
