Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
