just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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