Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The uberlube is also flammable
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
