dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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