Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
