Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
