this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
