its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
