yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
