i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
