You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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