The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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