I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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