Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
