Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
