with your own penis?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
