it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
