I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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