paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
