Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
