I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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