I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
