ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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