Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
