I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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