I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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