question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
