I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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