bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
