it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
