see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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