hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
