At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
