the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My hand turned me down
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
