So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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