I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
