i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
