mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
