Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
