Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
